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So I got my iPod working again, or rather my cousin did, so that's good. And Karav Maga is probably one of the best times of my week, except I'm convinced the guy is way too old for me. He's a "young man" as my mom puts it so hopefully under 25. Idk. He probably wouldn't want to be seen as a pedophile when he finds out I'm 14, when I look 17. Gosh 😳 And I know his name now.
But anyways yesterday I took someone to youth and I've been telling her about this super cute and just amazing guy at my youth who she knows I've been on and off crushing on. And he kept looking back and I swear it was at me and his arms were raised and stuff and she kept saying how cute he was and I thought okay I guess she agrees with me. But then later she went home and followed him on Instagram right away then she was telling me how he liked her photos right away and I spent like 30 minutes working to do something for her on Instagram and she just deleted the comment so he would think she was single. And she said how he was lookin at her in the gym and stuff and she said she's going to send him her number in a couple of weeks. That just maddens me 😭 like I love her so much but this guy I was into him and she's going to get him. She was supposed to help me get him not take him from me. The longest one of her crushes has lasted is like 6 weeks. I need to destroy the jealousy eating me.
This jealousy inside of me is like a monster, tearing apart my insides, stretching out my heart and messing with my soul.
Part of me wants to let her have him I mean if God has him meant for me well He'll come after me. Girls aren't supposed to do the pursuing anyways. Plus she might need him more than I do and we promised we wouldn't let a guy come inbetween us. So I won't... But it hurts. Now I'm not going to want to bring her on Fridays 😪
I was hoping the Karav Maga dude might be there to distract me from all of this but I won't see him until Monday night. I really like him but he's too old 😭 but he's perfect. And his name means, "Gift From God"
So happy Saturday :)
39 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!
~Emily
